lucila soto

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This in not a couplet August 17, 2012

Filed under: Heartfelt — Lucila Soto @ 11:26 am

Strangely, Uncommonly

Guiding me through deep sensations

Subtle strength that explodes in warmness

A hand that both rests and works in the back of my neck

sumptuous and sleek expressions escaping between open lips

Strangely, uncommonly in love.

With a moment that as soon as comes escapes

but leaves the everliving possibility of duplicity

of creation for a new intention leading to the truest

more frank and open expression of self.

A self non selfish, a self always giving

until the very moment

the equation solves itself and in reciprocity

begins receiving becoming a singularity

out from a plurality

Entwined, overlapped, combined.

 

In Search, in Awe [a rhythm and a beat]

A place where the true self awaits

a home, a shelter and discovery room

all in one

I searched, in awe I found

Smiles collided, blood, sweat &

even some tears

and we became not two, but one.

 

Alone with You [a secret world]

Eternal, brief as a sparkle

surprising, but reiterative

refreshing in its warmness

it never gets old

but is old as humanity and before

finding you while I define myself

finding you discovering me

finding you as I explore and I discover

perfection, allure, innuendo

in you

 


If we don’t remember me… December 21, 2011

Filed under: This side of the blue. — Lucila Soto @ 3:49 pm

Asymmetry I (as per Delia Gonzalez’s Relevee)

Blind but chromatic, strong but bashful.

Over the edge, over the ledge, overstated

OVER – SIGHTED

Dripping soundlessly, open to rhetoric synchrony.

Never before, never again, never forsake

NEVER FORSEEN

Tripping, tipping and tripping off.

 

Asymmetry II (as per Moby’s Victoria Lucas)

In a place called Armonia,

briskly, flawlessly, carelessly,

a girl felt mad with love

with a boy called Utopia.

Curiously, wordlessly, incoherently

they parted ways, never

to be far apart, nor close by.

Remote spectators, frequent visitations,

fluent commentators, conflict generators.

Circular, pendular, orbital, within reach but ephemeral.

Maurizio Cattelan

 

Asymmetry III (as per All, Maurizio Cattelan)

It all is about conflict,

It all is abut the order of chaos,

is both conscience and blissful incoherence.

A gestural symptom of what lies,

and lies within, a symbolism

of that which hides in plain sight.

It’s all about the strong and determined

movement of action, caught by a blinking eye.

An ever escaping moment that will now happen,

again and again, repeated,

with each regard.

It’s all about a silent and tender slap in the face,

bringing more a smile than a tear,

but which will forever leave you soiled inside.


This side of the blue November 10, 2011

Filed under: This side of the blue. — Lucila Soto @ 12:55 pm

I dream of Prozac

I sleep to dream.
When I dream I hide.
I hide within my best self,
She who is free and she who is at peace.
In my dreams I can release,
A smile, a wish, a kiss.

 

Partners in crime

3 weeks they spent together, a time that became a bridge of understanding, sharing and learning. Together like never before. Becoming a friend, a teacher and even a partner in crime.
It was right then and where that she came to know equality had been reached, one and the other finally in equal ground, shoulder to shoulder, measured in the same identical terms. Reciprocity and enjoyment. Countless meditations, a lifetime of reflections and thoughts.
Her life enriched and now the keeper of confidence, truth and unsuspected camaraderie.

 

This side of the blue

Some things… they need just be. When they are, the whole world gains that feeling of perfection we all have felt once in a while.
Once happened, the taste of fulfillment will linger and a brand new, pure memory will take form. From these I nourish. I burn memories to keep an enlightened heart when the dark comes.
Let things be, learn from them, cherish them, feed of them. In time, let them be your sustain. Then you will see this side of the blue is complex, both good and bad, both happy and sad, both perfection and completely flawed but, without doubt, splendid.


Quick flow September 29, 2011

Filed under: Heartfelt — Lucila Soto @ 9:51 am

Never in fear

You are gentle
Elegant
Never in fear

Adapting
Evolving
Unstoppable
Never in fear

You choose your own path
You struggle along its
Crooked roads
You do not know
What hides away

But there you are
Never, ever
In fear

 

There’s a rhythm

There’s a rhythm
There’s a sound
In the day
As in the cold night

A leaf blower truck
A tennis ball
A dog in need
And an empty house

The trees change shades
Coffee changes flavor
The ones walking along the street
Change for warmer covers
And even in attitude

Autumn has become
In the air, in the chill
In the early dusk
In the long night
Filled with dreams

 

Withdraw syndrome

As time goes by
Illusion, hope and
Conviction
Fade away

Feelings linger
Across space and time
They survive
But the will fades away

And you will lose focus
Becoming a watermark
A distant memory
Of a never was


8452 September 26, 2011

Filed under: sweat & tears — Lucila Soto @ 11:47 am

I will be running in the crowd
Engulfed by it
I will be a number
8452


But I will be unique
I will be alone
I run alone
otto quattro cinque due

But I’m not alone
I run in company
Of all those who love me
Who care
eight four five two

All of the sudden
In the final kilometers
There is only me
Me and the finish line
Me being defined by myself
Character, confidence, effort
huit quatre cinq deux

You can live a life
You can live glorious moments
within that life
Crossing the finish line
Of self-imposed goals
Is the definition of glory
acht vier fünf zwei

Essayez de me rattraper. Moi, je me dépasse.


Nirvana July 22, 2011

Filed under: Heartfelt — Lucila Soto @ 9:49 am

A newborn duckling, compassion.

A wild fox jumping, empathy.

A scared raccoon climbing a tree, linked.

All things connected:

past. present, a shared future.

Nirvana

Sipping coffee.

Morning stretch.

Watching a cloud with lighting within.

A matting call.

A hand that reaches to touch you,

to become you.

Nirvana

Never looked for.

Never searched for.

For its nature becomes

undeniable,

unquestionable,

real, truth and meaning.

Nirvana

I walk. I see. I smell.

I sing. I dance. I write.

In fire.

Not searching for an answer

but in possession of a problem

it arrives and engulfs me.

Nirvana


Why You Stay June 3, 2011

Filed under: heart — Lucila Soto @ 4:08 pm

Je suis un trompe l’oeil

Sticking Bones

Sticking bones, a good reminder

of origin and further decay.

Humanity humbled by

the ever present presence

of dark, cold Oblivion.

Why You Stay

Undiluted and Magnified.

Kept by dream, longing,

respect and homage.

A footprint sporting a morton’s toe so grand

no deathly wind could blow away.

B-day Rhyme

Close your eyes, make a wish, blow away.

Another year to celebrate, a reminder of an empty chair.

Make a wish, blow away, close your eyes.

Changes, new tricks, old habits which die hard. New recollection-sets encased as trophies to awe in glee.

Blow away, close your eyes, make a wish.

You’ve got but one try, better make it count. Live life to its fullest.

Close your eyes, blow away, make a wish.

Lesson learnt, cruel joke, determinism, free will, existentialism, nihilism, roll the dice, flip the coin.

Close your wish, blow your eyes, make away.

Socialism never happened! All your bases belong to us! Resistance is futile! Objects are closer than they appear!

Wish away, wish away, make a wish close your eyes, go away.


The Insane Confidence of Manifesting Feelings and Concrete Things

After Daniel Ponzanelli‘s “Apoyo”

Once you were gone I began looking for you.

I think I always did but the void your absence brought made me realize.

"Apoyo" by Daniel Ponzanelli

So I sleep-deprive myself,

scientifically, precisely, methodically,

so when sleep finally comes I will dream of you.

An invention. First your own, now mine.

An invention,

as true and congruent as you might appear,

an invention, – this I have to tell myself once awake.

Strong as a rock, giving never ending support

as in the living days you did.

An invention, still.


A dream April 29, 2011

Filed under: unrelated and odd — Lucila Soto @ 11:01 am

The kettle’s high pitch was audible all through the house. She left the bedroom and walked briskly to the kitchen. This night dinner would be instant coffee with a dash of milk and a toast. She needed to watch her weight as her right hip and leg had been achy the past couple of weeks and her doctor advised taking some weight off her small frame was a good idea.

Well, maybe she could have 2 vanilla cookies, her favorites since forever. They were thin and small so they would satisfy her craving for some sugar and, at the same time, her doctor’s requests.

Dinner in hand she returned to the bedroom and placed the tray into her night stand. Then she sat on the far edge of the right of her now way too big king size bed. She started to search for the T. V. remote when a sens of misplacement took over her.

– Hi! said his voice.

She felt goosebumps and turned to the left side of the bed slowly. He was there, he seamed fine, healthy, a bit younger even. And he was smiling, a sneaky ear-to-ear one, like when he was enjoying some mischief he had just done.

– What are you doing here? She said a bit surprised. – Where have you been all this months?

– Where do you think? was his answer. Again he smiled and after letting a minute go by so the thought could sink on her he added, – Look at what I can do now!

With no apparent effort nor pain he reached his right hand to touch her without moving any other part of his body. So his arm got longer and  longer and longer, until he could caressed her cheek softly. Meanwhile his left hand mirrored the sudden elongation and was almost falling out of the bed.

– You know you shouldn’t be here. It is no longer a place for you, and as much as I miss you, you need to go. Go and find rest and peace. She then told him.

Then, she turned around just a second so she could wipe a tear from her eye and heard him say: – It’s fine, I’m going then.

And he was gone again. And she felt once again the sense of loss and that now familiar pain in the center of her chest.

And she took a sip of her instant coffee. No mood for cookies now.


The melody will forever linger April 15, 2011

Filed under: Heartfelt — Lucila Soto @ 3:45 pm

The wise thing to do is have no expectations from others, but be harsh and exigent with oneself. You can only master yourself. You can only praise others. It never works if you do it the other way around. This I learned from my father.

Provide knowledge and confidence; teach passively; teach openly; be generous in giving from yourself. Preaching by example. Easier said than done and somehow he managed.

True statement: h e never hold high hopes for me. He never wanted me to be famous, make a fortune nor excel. Nevertheless he was always ready to offer his support when needed or to be amazed whenever he saw me passionate and intrigued about any subject matter I decided to pursue. He would celebrate my success and lend a non judgmental ear along some wise words when he found me in distress. I now know he cherished me so -as he did the ones close to him-, that he only wanted for me true happiness and fulfillment, the way I chose to achieve it would always be entirely up to me.

From himself, he would only accept the very best, never a conformist, always searching for more. Even at his old and savvy age, he still wanted to do more and always spoke about how he still was searching for the chance to produce his best ever opera, or to give his best performance.

A year has already gone by since I last saw him, since we last spoke. I know he would be a little disappointed on me because there’s always a shadow of sadness in my smile ever since he passed, but I can honestly say I have become wiser,Ii do focus better and of course, I am searching, learning, staring, becoming better and this, I have found, is happiness for me.

My path, my pace, my footprints, all of them will always be strong as they are based on such hard foundation as my father supplied. The melody of his being will always linger within me.


Six Months, One Year, 180° October 22, 2010

Filed under: Heartfelt — Lucila Soto @ 1:46 pm

It’s never the changes we want that change everything.”

-Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.

I am a runner. Before everything else I’m a runner and I am grateful for it. I am not a really fast one but you can usually find me struggling against myself in the middle of the pack. Still the running says much about myself. Running, to me, has always been an intricate juggle of pleasure and pain. This means to say that achievement without hard work or splendor without an effort to see it, without the patience to reach it, just seems like cheating to me. This kind of thinking, I’ve noted, is difficult to share with non-runners.

So a soft rain, wind, cold, even some snow will make a beautiful day for a run. Once my body is rhythmically moving alongside my breathing and thoughts, the meters starting to pass one by one, then I get this feeling that everything will be fine, that each thing has a right place in this universe. I write this because I know that weren’t I a runner, most possible I wouldn’t had been able to get over all the loss I’ve encounter, contained over the past year with my sanity intact.


I have to admit I was looking for a change. I felt trapped in the intricate and tangled web which my life had become, and liking it less and less each day. Much can be said both in favor and against about my home country, both points of view would be valid, but in my case the truth is that I felt like I just didn’t belong anymore. So I searched the world for a better place to be. One which would allow me to be myself happy, to develop and grow intellectually and to provide opportunity because that was all that I needed. I believe in hard work and in to fighting to create the reality you want to be in and where I come from, no matter how well intentioned you wanted to be, that was not a real option anymore. Actually it wasn’t specially if you were a well intentioned person. Let’s just say that society had lost its innocence and not go into more detail.


In general terms that was the direction -or lack of it- my life was in when it happened: Change. Change came and not in the prettiest of colors. It was dark and hard and it spoke of loss and sadness. Within an 9 month period I lost 5 loved ones, the most close of them, my darling Father, the foundation in my life, the piece that held me straight, firm and real. I will miss him always, I will love him forever but there are times in which what I wish for is to hold him, to spend an evening talking with him while we take the sun in his porch. He was a magnificent man and from him I learnt what grandeur means. If all I’m thankful for the marvelous life he got to lead and for the merciful death he had. In the end he faded away without even knowing it and that was a special grace granted for him. As a friend said to me: One is always to young to lose a parent. Yes, I was. I am.

Of course it was a schism in my family. We always were a traditional one. Well, as much as my father being a divorcée and my mother a widow from their first marriages and bringing a son each into their second marriage. I think this only showed me that whichever the circumstances you can make it work as long as your heart and will is set on it, relationship wise. Life wise. Another thing more to thank my Father for.

Very soon after all that loss, the change I was looking for became a reality. A new country was waiting for me, the door was opened. So more loss was in order. This time it came from getting rid of stuff. There was so much stuff accumulated from years and years. Some was to be kept but stored in boxes for I-don’t-know-how-long and some to be donated, given, thrown away. I have to admit it was hard on me. So many things still held an emotional value, a memory, a significance. This was followed by saying so long to strong important relationships, the kind that mold and shape you. Family, friends, dear ones. It is true I plan on meeting them again but it is also true that I had to let go.


Just let go.


Sounds so simple but I can frankly say it ain’t so. Letting go is so simple a gesture that even the average two year old does it once he starts to walk in his own, so it might seem that we are built to do it on a daily basis, to be independent, comfortably alone with one self. But the truth is that even a two year old needs a lot of prep time to get ready to successfully do so.

I know we all suffer loss, that we all at some point are confronted with death or change. I also know I’ve had it easy in life, always getting what I want, even this new change. But if anything, this last year has really tested my ability of letting go. I’m still no sure if there is a lesson to be learnt in all of this, if it is just to be assumed in a “such is life” kinda attitude. I will sure let you know if I ever found out and have one of my famous epiphanies where everything seems to come together and explain its intricacies to let me know why is it that the universe works.


For the time being I can only tell you that after six months of having lost my father, one year of continuous change and loss and a 180° turn into my life what I’ve learnt is to cherish is my past, the places, faces, moments and people who had made me who I am. I know that I am but a mixture of everyone that has crossed paths with me, had they not been in there, I would not be myself. I am grateful for each one of you: good, bad, helpful, malevolent, critical, friend, foe, past, present but always meaningful.

And so, I keep on running, in a new place, always finding myself at the end of a good challenging run, which is to say, encountering all my love ones also. So I will be seeing you soon, once I finish lacing up my running shoes.

Daddy dear, thank you for everything.


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