lucila soto

The chaos has changed shape. The giraffe and the bear have traded hats, and the bear switched scarves with the zebra.

The song is over. But the melody lingers.

Speaking frankly and speaking the truth are two different things entirely. Honesty is to truth as prow is to stern. Honestly appears first and truth appears last. The interval between varies in direct proportion to the size of the ship. With anything of size, truth takes a long time in coming. Slmehimes itvpnlu manifests itsrlf posthumously.

Limited but tenacious thinking

He’d rapidly gone downhill. Like a bowling ball rolling toward the gutter.

[Mikey rides up behind Wendy]
Mikey Carver: I don’t ever want to see you.
Wendy Hood: Then why did you come after me?
[Mikey stops, turns his bike around and rides off]

Sputnik Sweetheart. Murakami
Body cells replace themselves every month. Even at this very moment. […] Most everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories.

The lifeline only comes when you’re in the verge of drowning.

I like that word intercourse. It poses only a limited range of possibilities.

Particles of silence floated about the room for the longest time.

I know that you know that we know that they know there’s something wrong.

… That’s what life is like. An ongoing search.

Nothing wrong with watching others having intercourse, after all.

This woman loved Sumire. But couldn’t feel any sexual desire for her. Sumire loved thus woman and desired her. I lived Sumire and felt sexual desire for her. Sumire liked me but didn’t loved me, and didn’t feel any desire for me. I felt sexual desire for a woman that will remain anonymus. But I didn’t love her. It was all so complicated, like something out of an existential play.

Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?

“We do things you can’t put into words,” Sumire would probably tell me, putting it into words all the same.

I felt like I was in a dream. The principle that made other choices possible was missing. Or was it the choice that made that principle possible that was missing?

And he didn’t say anything else. But the silence spoked volumes.

That formless midnight pain… A thought begins to form in my mind, but in the end I think of nothing. Not that there was much difference between the two. Thinking and not thinking.

Leaving behind no life but its absence. Not the warmth of something alive but the silence of memory.

So that’s how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that’s stolen from us -that’s snatched right out of our hands- even if we are left completly changed, with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence. […] Repeating, often adroitly, the endless deeds of the everyday. Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness.

Norwegian Wood
If you only read the books that everyone else is reading you can only think what everyone else is thinking. That’s the world of hicks and slobs. Real people would be ashame of themselves doing that.

When you’re surrounded by endless possibilities, one of the hardest things you can do is pass them up. Dostoyevsky.

Nobody likes being alone. I just hate to be disappointed.

“You’re walking through a field all by yourserlf one day in spring, and this sweet little bear cub with velvet fur and shiny little eyes comes walking along. And he says to you, ‘Hi, there, little lady. Want to tumble with me?’ so you and the bear cub spend the whole day in each other’s arms, tumbling down this clover-covered hill. Nice, huh?” “That’s how much I like you.”

Death is not the opposite of life but an innate part of life. By living our lives we nurture death. True as this might be, it was only one of the truths we had to learn. No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sorrow that comes to us without warning.

It’s no money, he said, it’s my feelings.

Letters are just pieces of paper, I said. Burn them, and what stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish.

The watchmen
All we ever see of stars are their old photographs.

The cogs are falling…

But it’s too late, always has been, always will be too late.

Man, when preparing for bloody war, will orate loudly and most eloquently in the name of peace.

Existance is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us.

Coffee: black as the devil and sweet as a stolen kiss.

Www: Watch
Neurotypicals

1984-
War is peace
Freedom is slavery
Ignorance is strength

Marina- Carlos Ruiz Safón
Todos guardamos un secreto bajo llave dentro del ático del alma.

You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense- Charles Bukowski
Some men never
die
and some men never
live
but we are all alive
tonight.

It’s a lonely time, she sings, and you’re not mine and it makes me feel so bad, this thing of being me.

Everything is so sweetly awful, so continously and sweetly awful: the art of consumation: life eating life…

The imposibility of being human

They have been defeated by the aridity of the actual dream.

As the junkies junk
As the alkies drink
As the whores whore
As the killers kill

They have been ingested, digested, rested

After Dark, 2004. Murakami:
Of what value is a civilization that can’t toast a slice of bread as ordered?

Irony: means taking an objective or invented view of oneself or of something belonging to oneself and discovering oddness in that.

Walk slowly, drink lots of water. Life motto by Takahashi “Walk a lot, drink your water slowly”, Mari thinks one’s as good as the other.

He is considering aspects of the interrelationship of thought and action. Is action merly the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action?
The world moves on continously, without iterruption. Thought andation continue to operate in concert.

People’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Whether those memories have any actual importance or not, it doesn’t matter as far as the maintenence of life is concerned. They’re all just fuel. Advertising fillers in the news paper, philosophy books, dirty pictures in a magazine, a bundle of ten-thousand-yen bills: when you feed them to the fire they’re all just paper. The fire isn’t thinking, ‘Oh, this is Kant’, or ‘Oh, this is the Yomiuri evening edition,’ or ‘Nice tits,’ while it burns. To the fire they’re nothing but scraps of paper. It’s the exact same thing. Important memories, not-so-important memories, totally useless memories: there’s no distinction-they’re just fuel.

“You’ll never get away… You might forget what you did, but we will never forget. You probably think you got away with it. But you can’t get away. You can run, but you’ll never be able to get away”. Haruki Murakami

R. J. Sawyer – www: wake 2009
The difference between a geek and a dork is that a geek wonders about what sex is like in zero gravity and a dork wonders what sex is like.

That’s who you are. That’s who we are: a small and fragile world, floating against the vast, empty darkness. All of us. We are one.

I had experienced this: me and not me -a plurality that was a singularity, a strange but true mathematics in which one plus one equals one.

Wild Sheep Chase, 1989
So I got up and went over to grind coffee for two cups. It ocurred to me after I ground the coffee that what I really wanted was ice tea. I’m forever realizing things too late.

Sometimes I get really lonely sleeping with you.

To sleep with a woman: it can seem of the utmost importance in your mind, or then again it can seem like nothing much at all. Which only goes to say that there’s sex as therapy (self-therapy that is) and there’s sex as pastime.
There’s sex for self-improvement start to finish and there’s sex for killing time straight through; sex that is therapeutic at first only to end up as nothing-better-to-do, and vice versa.

[Her ears] They were like some great whirlpool of fate sucking me in.

“Not really. It depends on the angle of discussion.” […] “Tell me straight, because that’s my favorite angle.”

“Dumb to the world, that’s me,” was my feeble excuse.

Yawns you could built a lawsuit on.

There are symbolic dreams -dreams that symbolize some reality. Then there are symbolic realities -realities that symbolize a dream.

Say we have a concept. It goes without saying that there will be slight exceptions to that norm. Now, over time these exceptions spread like stains until finally they form a separate concept. To which other exceptions crop up.

The mutual oposition of ideologies.

… Like the mule who, placed between two identical buckets of fodder, dies of starvation trying to decide which to eat first.

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